Saturday, June 25, 2016

The Day I Played.

One afternoon I had just settled down into the world’s best recliner (seriously…best money ever spent at RC Willey) and was very ready for a moment to myself.   My little Spencer comes up to me for the millionth time that week and asked me to play Lego’s with him.   I really don’t want to….I just want “my time”.   But something about the way he is looking at me this time makes me realize he really needs me.    So I put on my super mom cape and go to the business of doing what moms do best…..sacrifice their time for their child’s needs.   At least that is what I was thinking at the time.

I sat down at the tiny red Lego table Brad and I made for our boys for Christmas. The tiny red chair, way too small for my backside but not too uncomfortable became my station in this world he created.   The playing begins….I decided to put some of my own imagination into it and the story started unfolding.   Spencer became Batman and I was just Brenda but I was helping Batman.    I starting introducing non-Lego toys into the play and things starting getting a little giggly.   But when I placed Joker on the Lego horse and then put a Littlest Pet Shop acorn in Joker’s hand and called it a Cherry bomb, Spencer laughed so hard he couldn’t talk.   I also saw the awesome silly humor and caught the laughing bug.   Before I knew it we were both laughing so hard we couldn’t play for a few minutes.   Then things got really crazy and the laughing became hysterical!   In that moment I was really truly present with my sweet little boy and having more fun and releasing more stress then I ever could by sitting in the world’s best recliner.   

I learned a great lesson that day.   It wasn’t me putting on a super mom cape and sacrificing my time for my child’s need.   The superhero was really Spencer.   He helped me relax, have fun and laugh away my concerns of the day.    He was taking his time away from his short childhood to include me in his imagination play.    What an amazing privilege it was to be invited into his amazing world!!!

I now look forward to our continued “game” in Spencer’s Lego world.  Best therapy ever!!!!
I love my Super Spencer.
Hero of my heart!

Saturday, April 16, 2016


Sometime in very late January or early February I came home from work and Haley pulled me into the living room and poured her heart out to me about how badly she was being treated by friends and how much she just didn't want to deal with the pain anymore.   She cried harder than I have ever seen her cry and as I reach out to her and pulled her close to me and held her for a long time I realized she wasn't just totally heart broken but she was fiery hot with a fever.    She had a horrible cough to add to her horrible fever.   She was fragile emotionally and physically.   After talking on the phone with a doctor I learned how physical illness can make depression worse.   This  made complete sense and I wondered why I hadn't thought of it myself.   That night and many many nights following I slept downstairs on the couch so I could be by Haley.   Within a couple days I running a fever and coughing. By the 4th day the whole family was sick.   It was not a fun time in our home.   Haley and I had the worst of it.  We went to the doctor only to be told it was a virus and go home, rest and drink fluids.   It was the first time I think in my whole life  I called someone in my ward and asked for help with a meal.   And being the wonderful friends they are we were taken care of that night and a few nights following.

It was during this illness and intense concern for my daughter's health and well being that I had a breaking moment.   I cried harder than I had cried in a while.   I'm sure from the outsider's perspective I looked like I was crying only because I was so sick (which illness was a huge part of it) but there was so much more.  All the pain of all the trials from the past 12 months came down on me in a way I can't describe.   I think those feelings had been sitting there festering for a long time.   Feelings about all of my children's challenges, to my weight challenges, to the criticism I endured from others while serving in Young Women's, and difficult feelings coming from  the hurtful silence from those who should have come to our aid on our darkest days.    I was also letting out my feelings of sadness for all the things I couldn't give my children because we live too far away from everything.   And it wasn't just the distance... it was the financial struggle as we paid more and more towards doctors visits, ER visits and all things medical.  I felt locked into a life I didn't like anymore.   I wanted to give my children more experiences, more of my time and much sweeter memories.  I wanted them to have more time with a little closer to help cut a little time off his commute.  I knew on that very day I was done, but I had no idea how to share all of these tender feelings with Brad.  I wasn't sure how to tell him how I knew if we continued to live here I would heading to a mental breakdown.

Somehow in the Lord's own way He was able to help me communicate to Brad my needs.   And Brad heard me but more importantly Brad heard Him.   And here we are about a week away from moving.  A week away from a fresh start in a smaller house which doesn't have everything we dreamed we would have but has everything we need.   I have seen the Lord's hand guide us and help us! I have felt His tender mercies upon my family!

Haley has greatly improved!!!   I can see the happy girl who fills my life with sunshine!   I also see a a girl who is a little wiser and is open with her feelings more often.    Our whole family has been making changes for the better and we are working together to overcome the stumbling blocks.   I am feeling joy again and I have hope again and feel excited about our future!  I am ready for this incredible chance to make a fresh start!   Fresh sounds beautiful to me!!!

Monday, August 10, 2015

Spencer turns 6!

Happy 6th Birthday to my tiny little boy!!!
If I could describe you in one word it would be Miracle!

Love makes little things grow!
I Love You!!!

Thursday, June 18, 2015

Alyssa Diaz Has Our Vote for Miss Utah 2015!

I had the privilege of doing a write up for one of my favorite young adults.   Alyssa Diaz.  She is talented and full of heart.   Another thing I adore about her is her love for Adoption.  
Our Family along with is rooting for her to take the crown!  

Alyssa Diaz, Miss Eagle Mountain 2014, is the sweetheart of the Utah Adoption community.  She believes in promoting the positive benefits of adoption.   She has witnessed first-hand the love between adoptive and birth families.   Alyssa’s Mother is a Birth Mother who placed her baby in an open adoption years before it was a popular to have openness.   Alyssa and her family enjoy an extraordinary relationship with this special sibling and have seen how adoption blesses all the lives involved.
This past year Alyssa has worked closely with various adoption organizations including United For Adoption, Forever Bound Adoption and Utah Adoption Association to help promote adoption awareness.    She has been involved with online support groups and local events such as the Adoption Walk with Me 5K.  Alyssa just held her own benefit run in Eagle Mountain to help a local family with their adoption expenses. 

Alyssa believes adoption is a positive option and enjoys sharing her love for all involved in adoption by sharing her family’s story.   Alyssa’s Platform “A Choice of Love” is centered on creating support and awareness surrounding the blessings of adoption. 

Alyssa will be competing in the Miss Utah Pageant June 17th – 20th.   
We love the energy Alyssa brings to this heartfelt cause and we are rooting for her to take the crown!
Good Luck Alyssa!!!

Friday, June 12, 2015

Friday Funny ~ How we roll.

Photo by: Brenley Horrocks
Yep!   My kids are a little crazy.   
This is how we roll at our carpet.
I am crazy about this silly girl!

Life is happening all the time.

I guess my goals for my blog were a little lofty.  I was ready to write, ready to share and ready to jot down memories we were making here in our little home.   But life happened.   And then it happened again, and again until I realized....this IS life!

To give you a basic run down this is how life has gone from Feb. 5th until today.

Spencer has surgery on his burn scar, less than a week later I get a bad virus, a week later Spencer (who is still healing and we are taking many trips to the burn center) gets sick.  We go to the ER due to major asthma attack brought on by the virus.   He starts to get better then is hit with a new virus the next week.  We are back to the ER where I finally say "hey we need a nebulizer at home people!" (Ok so I didn't say it like that but honestly wanted to.) Spencer improves just to in time to get a brand new virus the next week (yes, if you are counting that is 3 weeks in a row of different viruses).  This one gives him very high fevers, massive headache and a week full of yuck.   Thankfully this virus didn't trigger the asthma.   But doesn't end there.   During a moment of feeling better, or so I thought, Spencer's Orthopedic doctor had him cast on both legs to help stretch out his tendons in the back of his legs to help him be able to walk on his whole foot/feet.  So here is this little 5 year old with only one truly working limb.

 We are still making trips to the burn center as we go through the long process of helping prevent new scar tissue where they did the cutting for the zplasty. He wears a pressure glove on his hand.  He also now wears leg braces and has to go back to get his legs rechecked soon.  Last time I counted, on top of the surgery and 2 ER visits we had over 20 office visits just for Spencer since Feb 5th.   It is well over 20 by now.  

But wait....Camden is now in his 2nd round of influenza virus.

This round is a little easier than the first.
And now we come to me.  
Apparently the weeks and weeks of helping my youngest took it's toll on my body.  I ended up in an ambulance/ER with heart palpitations.   All is body just can't tolerate stress so it likes to kick out many many PVCs.   They are common with most people but mine appear to be stronger and they cause symptoms like dizziness and shortness of breath so after following up with a cardiologist we have a plan of action with medication and life style changes.   I am suppose to simplify my life and let some things go.   My only problem is some of those things I can't let go of permanently.
 So I am not sure what I am to do when I have to pick a few things up again.
I am a little nervous.
Any Advice?

Monday, March 16, 2015

Fresh Start

Hi there awesome friends!   I have missed you!  I have missed blogging!    But I'm back with lots to chat about.   I hope you like my blog's new look.   I wanted a fresh start and I wanted to simplify my blog and my life!  I am smack in the middle of raising my amazing kiddos and everything is about family so I decided a great way to celebrate this stage in my life is to give my blog our Initial.   In our family we says Horrocks rock!  I am so thankful to be a Horrocks!

I wanted to share what I have been up to  the past few months.

I have been busy being a Mom, a Wife, Library Tech (I work in and out of my home for over a year now), Adoption Blogger for Forever Bound Adoption Agency and I just got called to serve in my church congregation as Young Women's 1st Counselor.   I get the awesome opportunities to work with my congregation's 14 and 15 year old girls.   They are sweet, fun and keep me laughing and teach me more than I ever imagined.   I have also been acting as a nurse to my little Spencer (who is now 5) but that story will be shared later.    Needless to say,  I am one busy woman,   but I love it!

Take a moment and peek at my blog posts over at Forever Bound.  I have had lots of fun creating them and I hope they are helpful to their readers!