What can I say...

Birth Mom's make cute babies!
Have I mentioned lately how much I love my children's Birth Parents?
I do love them and I am amazed by their love and courage!

Spencer is 10 months now....can you believe it?

I can't.
At this age Camden was already running around....I am so glad Spencer is taking his time growing up.
I love that he wants to be held all the time...and I am his favorite person in the world.
Seriously....I am lovin' every minute of it all!

Our Temple Adventure

On March 13, 2010 Brad and I sat in a sealing room of the Salt Lake Temple with our 4 beautiful children dressed in white.
It was an amazing day! 
I have no idea how it feels to be pregnant or give birth but I know how it feels to look around me and know that I am part of something that the Lord extended His hand and created.   Brad and I have witnessed miracles for the past 12 years as we have built our family through adoption.   We have watched incredible acts of courage, witnessed tender love and tender mercies.   We have had prayers answered and blessings poured out upon us.    I know we are not infertile by chance...it was part of the Lord's plan for us and it is an amazing feeling to KNOW we made the right choices at the right time and did all we could which allowed the Lord do step in and create miracles. 
There were times I wondered if I would ever hear a little voice call me "Mommy".   On mornings when I felt like I was made of lead and could barely get out of bed and face the day it was a small tiny bit of hope that kept me going.   So many tears shed, so much pain....so many lessons learned and growth in every way created....I want to tell the Lord THANK YOU!!!!!  I am so grateful for what He has done for me, for us and to me!   This has been a 12 year adventure I will never forget and always have with me in my heart.
I am a different person in every way....in a very good way!

Spencer's Adoption story started when I heard a song called "Do you have a little love to share?"  For me this was the begining of the thought of becoming foster parents.   After 7 children in our home in 2 years time....2 very hard goodbyes a young woman sat in a hospital room holding her baby and knew she wanted him to have more of a life than she did or that she could give herself.  She wanted him to have happiness.   This incredible woman gave him life and then gave him the life she dreamed for him....one that she wished she could have had for herself.  Even after being asked over and over and over again by the judge in the courtroom this woman continued to say "yes, I understand what this means...yes I want to place him".  After hearing the same questions posed in different ways again and again she proclaimed "I understand what you are saying....I want my baby to have a happy life!"   I don't know how she stayed so strong through that hearing but she did.  Another miracle witnessed!
I think of this woman as I share these special pictures with you!

Thanks for being here and supporting me and my family in this adventure!

 

All photos were taken by Leisha Kelsey. 
She is multi talented...check her out!
Leisha Kelsey Design
Leisha Kelsey Photography

Matching Mondays ~ Day Off

I am just coming off of the very busy but VERY WONDERFUL weekend.  

I will post about finalization, sealing and blessing later this week.

Spencer was getting better and was well enough for the weekend but is back to running a fever.   I am also under the weather...so no matching mondays today.   :(

But I did want to show you a picture of my sweet baby boy!!!

Thanks for all the Support!!!!

Question for Mom's with Newborns...

Do you feel like a Zombie?
Do you crave carbs like crazy and wish you had a drink holder attached to your hip for your diet coke?
Do you just want to veg on the couch and watch Pride & Prejudice?
Do you cry over stupid things and feel like you don't have any friends?
Do you feel like a slug?
Please remind me I am normal and this part will go away in time.

Who said 3 is the hardest adjustment???

I don't get it!
I have had 2 babies straight from the hosptial that we have fostered....Ashanti and Chevey.
aka
"Our Favorite Baby" & "Little Edward" who we also lovingly refer to as our "hunka, chunka, burnin' love"
(ya you can sing along with me!)
I adjusted well.....was able to stay on top of house chores, children's needs, my church calling & FSA responsibilities.
But this time I STINK at it all!!!!
It seems harder for some reason. I wonder if it was the time away from home hanging out in the nicu. I didn't get anything done in those days...and once my Mom had to go back home my house turned upside down. So I am playing catch up.
I also have a little guy who needs a little extra help with feedings so I have tried to factor that into the picture.
But HELLO Brenda what the heck is wrong with you??????
yes I do talk to myself sometimes...scary I know.

I decided that whomever said this about number of children...
"If you can handle 3 then you can handle any number!"
must be a guy!
I'm just sayin'.
(no offense to the men....I love my man and he is great!)

Rainbows

Two quotes have been running through my mind the past few weeks.
"Where there is great love there are great miracles."
&
" Miracles happen for those who believe in them."

Who would have thought an infertile couple would be sitting in the NICU with their brand new baby?
I NEVER imagined myself being in a place like this....but I did believe there was another child for our family.
Spencer came at the time when I was open to whatever the Lord had planned.
I see once again that HE gives the best gifts!

There is a quote on the wall of the NICU Parent Lounge that says...
No Rain
No Rainbows

Today I celebrate Rainbows as I sit with my little Spencer!
What a glorious life!

Guess what we bought....

No...he doesn't get to come home yet.
But everyday he is in the NICU means we are closer to the glorious day we get to bust out of the joint!
Nothing like busting out in style!
I can't wait!!!!!

I have been busy....

holding this little bundle!
(sorry..wish I could really show you what he looks like but I can't. I did get permission to do these types of photos.)
He has consumed my life and my sleep (or the lack there of) and since he has come into the world there doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day.
And I am loving every bit of it!!!

My Mom has been staying with me and truly running my house. She is leaving tonight and it stresses me out a little to know we are on our own.
I know what you are thinking...how hard can it be when he is in the NICU right?
It has been hard to try to split my time between hospital and home...having my family in two different places all the time is more trying than I ever realized. By the end of my day (which is sometimes early the next morning) I crash into bed exhausted...only to wake up 3-4 hours later to do it again.
Don't get me wrong....I LOVE this opportunity!! I will juggle everything for as long as we need! It just helps me to kind of talk (or type) about it.

I have some special friends who have offered their help with Camden as I come up to stay with the baby....I am so incredibly thankful for their help!! I was feeling pretty alone and stressed about what to do once my Mom went back home. But I have some people who are coming to my rescue and I just don't know how to tell them THANK YOU!!!

And then there is my hubby who has rearrange his whole work schedule to help me be able to be up here each day for a longer period of time. It is important to be here and it is important to be home....I am so grateful that Brad considers me and our children important and works with me as a team!

It will be a lovely, wonderful day when I can bring Spencer home!!!
Until then.....thanks for all the help!!!!

little moments

"I might be small

But I'm on the ball

I might be little

I might get stuck in the middle

But there's one thing we know

Love makes little things grow

Yea, love makes little things grow."
~
Do you recognize these words?
If you have a pre-schooler at home you have probably watched "Clifford's Puppy Days". It has been a favorite at our house. I have always loved the opening song and today the words...
"Love makes little things grow"
have come to my mind again and again.
Here in the NICU the Mom's and Dad's are taught about skin to skin, about positive touch and we are taught how all of these things can help our child develop.
I so wish I would have had this information 9 years ago!

this is where I break for a moment and put my FSA hat on....IF YOU are a chapter chair I would highly encourage you to contact your local NICU and see if you can talk with their occupational therapist...try to put together a class for your adoptive couples about skin to skin, positive touch..bonding with your infant. The information we have recieved the past few days has been phenominal!!!
Adoptive Couples could REALLY use this information!!!

Spencer is doing fantastic!
He is off his IV, will be off his biliblanket tomorrow or the next day and he has graduated to the next level nursery. We are so happy with his progress and we know prayers are being answered.
Thank you for praying for our little guy!!!
We will still be here for a number of weeks...but everyday that goes well, helps!

As I sit in this nursery I look upon this incredible miracle the Lord created and I am so thankful Brad and I listened to the promptings to take the foster care training and to then become foster parents. It was baby steps for us...we were scared and didn't know if we could really let a child go and still make it through. But we moved forward trusting in the Lord that He would bless us with the strength to do His will....even if His will was for us to let go.
Many times I hear people say how they can't do foster care because they can't bear to let go. Letting go is hard....but the Lord is there to help you through it. You are not left empty or alone.....you are filled with the knowledge that what you did was good and the Lord is happy with your service to HIS child. He will not let you suffer...He will bless you with a greater capacity to understand and to love. No loss goes unnoticed or uncounted.
There will come a day when you will reap the benefits of being counted among those who would love a child of God.

I share these things with you out of love....love truly makes little things grow. My heart has grown through little things...little tiny people who needed someone....little moments that are only known between me, a special child and God...moments when I was mothering someone who really needed a mother. And then there are those little moments when the Lord has whispered to me that He is pleased with me and that I am loved. In those little moments my heart changed and will never be the same!
The great thing about this is that these little moments don't just happen to me...they can happen to you too.
Are you ready?

Nine Months ago today....

I said goodbye to Ashanti.
I thought I would die from the pain inside.

Today I witnessed an incredible act of love as I watched a young woman go before a judge and relinquish (again) on paper and verbally in front of a courtroom of people. She stayed strong and did it with love! She kept saying how she wants her baby to have more than she had growing up.
It was a very humbling experience!
I will never forget it.

I never would have thought that nine months after saying goodbye to a child I love so much that I would be given another child to keep and raise and love forever!
I am so amazed by the love and mercy of the Lord!
I am so thankful for this journey!

He Finally has a name...

Spencer Brigham
Spencer is a name I love and have for the last few years.
It is also the name of President Kimball who I have felt a connection to as I journeyed through infertility grief..reading his own writing about the pain he suffered. Spencer is also the middle name of President Monson who is a big supporter of adoption. And lastly....the name Spencer has a very interesting connection to the Birth Mother. We feel like this name was meant for him.

Brigham comes from Brad's Great-Grandfather and everyone in our little family has a "b" in their name....so it works out perfectly.

Spencer is doing well...I got to change his diaper for the first time today and hold him for 2 different feedings!
It was a great day!!!

Baby Boy Update

I woke up this morning thinking about my new ltitle guy (who is still nameless :( ) I can't wait to go and see him again. He was born about 6-8 weeks early so he will be in the NICU for a while. I have been worried about how to get there everyday...with three kids at home who also need caring for... it is going to be a challenge. I am a little stressed over that part. I even decided to call my Relief Society prez to ask for help...but she is on vacation. It takes alot for me to ask for help...kind of makes me laugh how murphys law applies so often. lol

Our little guy is doing well...he doesn't need oxygen so that is a really great start! He likes his binki and yesterday I got to hold him during one of his feedings. (He is currently fed through a tube because he is too young to fed by bottle) They encourage skin to skin so that was a neat experience. I LOVE the staff there...they have been so great about the adoption stuff and calling me Mom. I worried how I would be looked at and treated but they have been so warm. I have really appreciated that!!!!

I wish I could post pictures!!! As soon as they give me the ok I will. He is really tiny and REALLY cute!!!!

But I am not biased at all.
LOL

The Verdict is in....

We Were Chosen!!!!!!!!!
It is a brand new baby boy!!
We don't have a name to share yet.
We will get to see him today for the first time.
I can't believe this is happening.
We are so grateful!!!!
I wish I could share his story but I can't ....His Birth Mom is courageous!!!
Love is an amazing motivator!