His Plan.

Two years ago today my life changed forever. 
A tiny little baby girl came into our home and became the center of our lives.
I never realized all of the things I would learn from her.

The most powerful lesson for me was the understanding of how our hearts are made to love and to feel pain but through the pain it blesses us with a greater capacity to love again.  

I think it is the growing pains of a heart.

In two days the dream I had when entering the foster to adopt program will become reality.  I look back on the past (almost) 3 years and see how opening our hearts and home to the Lord's children has blessed our family emotionally, spiritually and even  financially.  I am not speaking of the money the state sends to foster families....I have seen blessing after blessing enter my home and I know it is because of an honest tithe and fostering children.   The Lord sends blessings...each come differently but they do come!  

I had a conversation recently about "plans".   Some people look at infertile couples who adopt as going to their "plan b".   I have come to understand that there really are no plans except for His plan for us.   When we turn to the Lord and ask "what am I to learn from this?"  or "what would you have me do?"  our lives and hearts will change in ways we could never have dreamed and we start to see the Master Plan revealed in small pieces and we begin to understand and see that His plan was being prepared long before we knew of it.

I never realized how adoption would bless my life.   I never imagined how fostering would change the way I look at the world.   I could have never dreamed my life would go the way it has and yet I see how the Lord has been preparing me for His gifts for many many years.

Back in 2003 I went through counseling for my infertility grief.  It was one of the best things I have ever done....it was another gift from my Heavely Father who blessed me with the impression that I needed some help or I wouldn't be able to reach my potential.   Counseling prepared me for healing...the healing only the Savior can give.   I wrote in my journal about the things I was learning when I did my "counseling homework".  I also did creative writing to help get my feelings out.    As I have thought about dreams and plans I remembered this piece I wrote in 2003.   I am not the greatest writer but I longed to share it with you today.   Please look past my weaknesses as a writer....I hope you gain something from it.

My Dreams.....

So many people think that when an infertile couple stops treatment and looks to adoption to create their family they have given up their dreams and are moving on. I didn’t give up my dream...I did all I could do to make my dream a reality then I took it to my Heavenly Father who showed me more options. I knew He loved me and wanted me to have joy and happiness so I gave my dream to Him and asked for Him to help me.

My loving Father took my dream and worked it, molded it and blessed it as it grew into the most beautiful loving reality I could never have dreamt of on my own! Many parts of my dream are still coming true and as each piece fits neatly into it’s place I am forever thankful I trusted my Father enough to place my dreams with Him!

I have struggled with much pain and grief as my heart was being worked on and molded. I felt many painful feelings....until I thought I would break! But my Heavenly Father was there the entire time....blessing me with strength and helping me endure, increasing my knowledge of His love for me...of Charity and all the while my heart was growing.

My dream...my reality...my heart loves more because I trusted Him! I didn’t give my dream up....I placed it in the loving hands of my Father and He did more with my dream and more with me than I could ever have done myself!

Brenda S. Horrocks
2003/2004