Sunday, October 5, 2008

Reflecting

I have been thinking alot about the past recently. I think about people, places and experiences. I have even looked up old friends online wondering where they are now and how they are doing. There are many people from my past who have had a significant impact on me and they probably have no idea. I am a better person today because of people from my yesterdays.

Today I was thinking back to what was happening in October last year. I was healing from having my ovary removed and was in a great deal of pain everyday because of a pinched nerve that happened sometime during surgery (we think), I flew to Georgia to be a keynote speaker for an adoption conference (Those poor people who had to listen to me!) and I had three incredible little children come into my life. I learned so much from these three experiences.

From the first I learned about chronic pain and how hard it is to live everyday with it. I wondered if it would ever end. I am thankful....so thankful to say it did end but I can remember the pain as if it were yesterday. I was very familiar with emotional pain but physical pain I hadn't experienced as much. The experience left me with a more tender heart towards those who are hurting....in any way. Physical and/or emotional pain has a way of making you feel so exhausted and sometimes alone. I hope I will always remember what I have learned from both types of pain!

From my speaking experience I learned a few things. I remember years ago when I served on Institute Council. It was a tremendous growing experience for me and one that I can see now prepared me for things that we are involved in today. While serving on council I was asked to speak to a ward about the institute program. I had never really given a talk before so I had no idea what I was doing. It was the WORST talk I have ever heard....honestly it was really terrible!!! I wanted to crawl under a rock and die. :) I never wanted to speak again BUT the Lord had another plan. Through various callings...step by step the Lord helped me learn how to speak and how to prepare a talk. I am still not as good as it as I hope to be but I do much better than that first disaster! I am thankful to the Lord for His help!!! I still cringe when I think of that first talk and I even cringe when I think of how I could of done things differently on other talks or presentations but I am trying to remember each time I get up and speak I am can learn from my mistakes and weaknesses.

Finally those precious children. They were siblings and it was our first foster care experience. We said yes because we wanted to help and we fell in love with these little kids who were bundles of energy! I was still in chronic pain at the time. These cute little ones were only with us for a couple of weeks but by the time they left I could hardly walk. If I hadn't been in pain the experience would have been easier. I will never regret having them in our home but when they left I knew I could only handle one or two at a time. I still think about these little ones often and wonder how they are. I wish I could see them again and give them a hug and tell them I love them! Four months after having those sweet kiddos leave our home Baby A. came into our hearts! She has been with us now for all but 2 days of her life...she is almost 7 months old. Tomorrow we go to court to find out where Baby A. will go. We want so much to be able to adopt her. We have prayed and fasted and we have hope. We trust the Lord will guide her life....and if the judge says she has to leave us then we know the Lord will be with her. I am nervous about tomorrow because I don't want to have to say goodbye! In every way she feels like my baby and yet I know she isn't mine...she is the Lord's and it is my hope that His will will be accomplished!

8 comments:

Mary Kate said...

I hope everything works out for you tomorrow....but somehow saying that sounds weird because you know it all is in Heavenly Father's hands and either way it goes He will be with baby A .

What a blessing you are to these foster children!

(and we learned so much from your visit to Ga!)

Whitney said...

Good Luck with everything tomorrow. You guys are in our prayers. I am so anxious to hear about how things go.

It's ME! -- Christie -- said...

I will be thinking of you tomorrow! I enjoyed reading your posting...you a great mom and we hope and pray you get custody of sweet baby A!

Mandee Lue said...

Good Luck tomorrow indeed. What a doll she is; you are amazingly strong. We're all praying for you! Love you!

Toad, Lizard & Squidney said...

Good Luck Today!! Thank you for being a great example to me and those around you. How comforting it is to have the gospel in our lives and to know that Heavenly Father will be there for us.

Jessica said...

Cute blog! I hope you don't mind that I added you to my blog. How did things go in court today. Judging by Brad's status update on facebook it didn't go as you guys had hoped? Let me know!
Love, Jessica (Green) Vosika
Kim and David's daughter

Amanda said...

We continue to pray for you and this situation. You have an AWSOME perspective on life and I thank you for sharing so much with me.

Leisha said...

Brenda, you are such an amazing person and an amazing mother. I hope and pray that things with Baby A work out how you are hoping they will.