Thursday, November 13, 2008

Walking By Faith

Sometime after our last attempt to get pregnant had failed I was struggling with the question...
"Do I have enough Faith?".
I was sitting in Sunday School when I heard a member of our Bishopbric say something like this....
"When someone has an illness or disease and they recieve a blessing of healing and then they are truly healed from whatever ailment....that is a FAITH PROMOTING experience. Meaning it helps others as they witness the miracle. But when someone is not healed but accepts the Lord's will...It is a FAITH PERFECTING experience."
These words filled my heart.
This new understanding brought new meaning to my questions regarding my faith.

Today I have thought back on this "faith" lesson as I said goodbye to my favorite baby!
I took Ashanti to the airport today to fly with her father to Florida...her new home.
I didn't get my way.....but I accept this as the Lord's will.
Ashanti must have a special mission or purpose in Florida.
This is one of my "Faith Perfecting" experiences.

Last week when we realized our days with Ashanti were numbered I felt that my faith had been shaken like never before....I never felt like that before....not even through
infertility,
scams
or
our 3 failed placements.
I found myself praying ....actually begging the Lord to allow her to stay with us.
I didn't know if I could handle her leaving.
Then something happened and it felt like I had been given emotional pain medicine.
All I could feel was numb.
I began to realize I was being carried by the only person who understood MY pain.
Then yesterday as I sat in the courtroom and listened to the judge give custody to someone other than me I felt peace.
Such a vast difference from the last time I was in the court room.
I was sad yes...very sad....but I felt lifted up and felt that this was going to be ok.

I kissed Ashanti goodbye today and told her how much I love her.
She is my most precious faith perfecting experience.
If I hadn't had all of those other faith perfecting experiences I couldn't have lived through saying goodbye to this one.

I have been so blessed to be called a Mother to Ashanti for 8 months....
I think 8 must be my lucky number.
For all of those out there who are wondering what Baby A. (Ashanti) looks like....I would like to introduce you to my Favorite Baby....
With her Father's permission (granted) I am able to post pictures of her and call her by name since she is no longer in state custody! Thank You!

6 comments:

Sheri said...

Ashanti is a beautiful baby. I'm sure it was so hard to let her go. It sounds like you found an inner peace and had a wonderful faith promoting experience to share with others. You are a wonderful person. Good luck with everything.

Amanda said...

Brenda - Ashanri's life will be FOREVER blessed because you have been apart of it, and your life has been blessed by this experience. May the Lord continue to bless you with undertstanding, peace and love.

Kelly said...

She is adorable. God's peace is something that is hard to explain but you did a beautiful job.

arianne said...

Brenda you are one amazing woman, for that reason I KNOW GOD loves you and allowed you to love and take care of that beautiful baby girl, Ashanti for the last 8 months. She is one beautiful baby. I feel blessed that I was able to see her in person and hold her. She is a darling little piece of heaven.

May the Lord continue to comfort you and bless you during this time. He loves you and he knows your desires and wants and needs.

How are your kids and Brad doing with all of this?

your friend, Arianne

Kim said...

She is the most beautiful baby Brenda. I remember at the yard sale, cuddling up with her for the longest time. My eyes are filled with tears as I think of your aching heart. Even though it is the Lord's will, it still sucks.
:( We love you, and this sweet baby will continue to be in my prayers as will you.

Katie said...

Oh Brenda, My heart is breaking for you, but I am so impressed with your faith and strength to accept God's will. Your post was beautiful, and just what I needed to hear today. THankyou