Sunday, March 29, 2009

End or Begining?

Visits are becoming much longer these days.
I know little Edward is on his way to his permanent home and I am excited for his parents.
But honestly...
I am sad for me and my family.
He is so excited to be here after visits..he seems extra happy.
I don't know if that is because he had a great visit or if he is happy to be at the home he recognizes the most.
I am keeping positive because I know this is all a good thing.
Watching people change their lives is really incredible.
And we are praying for them that they will continue to do well.
I hope I am not saying more than I should....I just need to talk tonight.

I am wondering what happens next.
When little Edward leaves us will that be the end of babies at the our house?
Will I ever rock another baby to sleep or change diapers?
Are my days of mothering infants over?

I have been doing tons of searching.
I have been looking through many many states websites looking at all of the children who are waiting.
I have seen many I am interested in learning more about....but for some reason I am scared to send my request.
Afraid of making the wrong choice.
I wish I had a friend who happens to be a social worker in every state so I could email them and ask questions without feeling anxiety.

I am doing alot of soul searching... I guess you could say.
What is right for our family?
What is the Lord's plan for us?
What would HE have me do?
I feel like I am at a crossroad and I know only God knows the right I am keeping my eyes on Him and praying for THE answer.
Meanwhile I am enjoying my time with my kids and our cute little Edward.
He really is a "hunk a hunk of burnin' love"!!
He's a chunk too...a really really cute chunk. :)
I love chunky babies.... don't you?


Kelly said...

It is so hard to know the right thing to do. Our family started this journey to adopt a waiting girl 6-10. Said we would absolutely never foster. Well, we are fostering 3 children (b5, g4, bnb). We don't really see them going home. We have committed to adopt them if they can't. I know anything can happen with foster care but we are just being willing to be used, just like you, for whatever God sees fit. God will guide you and give you peace with your decision. The uncertainties that come with foster care are so
hard though.

evil social worker said...

I love chunky babies! I guess I love little peanut babies too. Guess I just love babies! If you are still open for fostering I'm sure you will have more babies in the future, don't know how long in the future. I hate to tell you this but even the older ones hurt to loose. Even if you know their going where they should be. Especially if you know they aren't. Don't know why God asks some people to have their hearts ripped out over and over, but I believe he does have a plan and in the end I honestly don't think such people will regret doing so. Lots of love to you and your family. Hang in there!

ThomasVille said...

I read the R house and saw the link to your blog this morning. We've adopted 7 children. One was a private adoption through LDS social services, the next a foster child we were able to adopt, and the last 5 have come to us over the last 2 1/2 years. They were all in the foster care system waiting for adoption. We found the 1st sibling set on AdoptUSKids. We kept in contact with one of the social workers after our boys were placed with us and then she was able to help us find the next child and when we felt there were more children that needed our family, she was able to help us find our last 2. Searching, praying, searching, searching and praying for guidance to find these children took so many hours and such emotional energy. I just wanted to tell you you're not alone. Just keep praying and Heavenly Father will guide you. :-)