Nerves

President Gordon B. Hinckley...love how he carried the can rather than used it. lol

I haven't been posting much the past few weeks....at least some of the past few weeks. I have been dealing with some pretty intense fatigue and strange muscle symptoms. I haven't wanted to talk about it alot because I am pretty nervous and part of me wants to pretend it doesn't exist. I have looked online at my symptoms and realize it could be many things....it could even just be the result of being very tired.

I remember President Gordon B. Hinckley stating he wanted to wear his body out by doing service (this is not an exact quote...I can't find it...if you know it please leave the link for me in the comments.) I have thought about President Hinckley and what he has said...I think of it often and I have a desire to wear myself out in service...but I am definitely NOT President Hinckley....He was amazing!!! I wish I was like him!

I think the past 2+ years of being a foster mom has left its mark. Even as I type this my fingers feel weak....I am tried and wish I could nap. Only problem is when I do get to sleep it doesn't seem to be a deep restful sleep.

My big fear is that I have something that will take me early, leave me unable to care for my family or myself or something that would require major surgery. I just want to be around a long time taking care of my husband and children.

I have been having more good days than tired ones lately. It has given me hope. Even on my tired days I can still function and my kids are taken care of....my wash might be behind but everyone is clean and fed and my house is holding up ok.

I tend to horriblize things...so I am hoping that I come back today after my appointment and post an update that says "all is well".

But I guess that is what having a trial is all about...finding the faith to say all will be ok even if I don't like it.

If you find yourself on your knees today....would you say a prayer for me too. :)