Wednesday, January 27, 2010

I still miss her.

My cute alarm went off at 5:30 this morning....there really isn't a cuter one in all the world.  (but I am not biased or anything).   After feeding my "alarm" I put him back to bed and then I couldn't go back to sleep.   I kept thinking about the dream I had...the dream where Ashanti (known on this blog as Baby A.) called me "Mama" and was so excited to see me.   In my dream she went from being tiny to being 5 years old to then being a grown woman.   At the end of my dream she told me I would always be "mother" to her.   It was a sweet dream that was honestly hard to leave.    I know this isn't reality...Ashanti  will not know who I am...just what her family tells her about me.    I know she is doing well and seems happy.   She has a new baby brother and I am happy that she will grow up with a sibling.   But I miss her.  It has been over a year since she left our home and sometimes it feels like it was just last week.   I am in a weird place with my feelings.   I want to know she is doing well but I seem to try to avoid hearing anything.   I am not sure how to explain this.

I am forever grateful I got Ashanti for 8 months and I know things are how they are suppose to be...I just miss her and it helps to talk about it sometimes.
Today I will hold my little Spencer extra close and count my blessings. 
I am so thankful he is MINE!  He is such a huge blessing to me!


Paula, With all my heart said...

Thinking of you during this hard time.

Heather said...

You are an amazing mother!!! I can only imagine what you are going through and will keep you in my prayers. Hug that sweet baby extra tight today.