|My family in 2005.|
I came across something I wrote back in 2005.
I was struggling with the challenge of adopting a 3rd time...our 3rd child.
We had just come away from an adoption scam that truly rocked me to the core and I doubted everything and everyone for a long time after that.
We had also tried fertility treatment for one final time and I ended up on bed-rest with ovaries filled with huge cysts. It was so bad they couldn't see where one ovary ended and the next began. They thought I was pregnant. Nope!
During the time we started working on bringing a 3rd child to our family I learned so much. Even learned how putting the Lord first will bring about small and mighty miracles.
You can read one of the stories here.
By the time I wrote this I was feeling so tired and yet I had no idea what was about to come to pass. Not long after writing this I received an email from 2 different girls. One went back and forth about placing and decided to parent and the other chose us and we went through the entire pregnancy with her. She ended up parenting in the end and didn't bother to tell us...we found out online through the hospital web site. She was already home with the baby girl we had bee working so hard preparing for. (Including inducing lactation....oh ya fun times.)
The first girl ended up changing our lives forever....you can read that story on Friday.
I felt I should share this today...maybe there is another hopeful adoptive Mom out there feeling the way I did when I wrote this. If so...You are not alone. Hang on....your Miracle is coming and it will be better than anything you could think up on your own!
For my third child...
So many feelings...so much longing...no peace for the moment. I want so much to learn you are coming to our home soon. Coming home to my heart, my aching arms and to my love.
I have been holding on to these feelings that have come over the past 3 years. Feelings you are suppose to be here. I search the room to see where you are and you are not yet here. I laugh at myself thinking it was only a silly thought yet I know it isn't. You will come...someday.
Feelings of loneliness are trying to take over. My friends get pregnant after adopting and others are done family building...but not me. I have been blessed to know you will come through adoption. I do all I can to find you and your sweet Birth Mother but no one really sees the effort. No one sees the pain inside as I carry you in my heart hoping the day will come soon when I will be loving you in my arms. No one understands what it is like to be hoping for a third child through adoption. Even other adoptive moms don't understand. They are quick to treat me as if my third journey isn't hard and isn't deserving of any compassion. I feel like hiding away until you get here.
I must need to grow and develop new qualities before I can be your Mother. I have come so far and learned so much yet I know I have so much more to learn. For you I will go through anything...move any rock...climb any mountain, because I love you!
Your Birth Mother must be so special. She must be so strong to be able to go through all of this. I am so thankful for my infertility because I have the opportunity to love your Birth Mother. I believe yours is extra special because I am being fine tuned by the Lord. I anxiously await word from her that she has found us and already loves us just like we have love for her.
How incredible will be the day that you come into this world and how grateful will I be to have you come into my arms. I await with much love and tenderness...my precious baby!