Retreating

Maybe it is human nature or maybe it is just in my nature but when I feel hurt, upset or angry about something... I pull back.   I am pulling back right now....I am retreating or gathering myself together and making decisions about how I want to proceed from this point on.   I also need to write.   Writing brings a release for me.   I am thankful to have a place to write and to retreat.....a place to say what I need.

As I have posted recently we are working with a doctor to help my son with his ADHD and anxiety.  What I didn't state was there are issues at school that have exacerbated his challenges 10 fold.    About the same time Cam's ADHD symptoms really came out with red blinking lights a new child was brought into his class.  This child was in another teachers classroom but I am guessing this child became too much for that teacher.  From what I can tell now....this child probably has a pretty difficult diagnosis and the school is doing what they can for them.    For whatever reason this child has been a huge source of conflict for Cam.  And when there is a substitute involved.....Cam seems to get the raw end of the deal.   He has been kicked in the face by this kid (nothing happens to the kid), then the sub in that "rotation" kept my son after class and was rude to him and stated they hope they never have to sub for that class or school again.   I report to the office...I have no idea what happened if anything.   I am guessing after today's super fun time (I say wish sarcasm dripping) somehow Cam was probably blamed for things that day as well.  I don't want to go into today....it is a Sub says vs Cam says situation.   I have no idea what really went on.   I am guessing the truth lies in the middle somewhere.   But I can say this....I am tired.    Tired of guessing what is really going on at school.  I am tired of feeling like I am not heard.  I am tired of having to figure out how to help my child stay away from kids who are mean or who have challenges difficult enough they are making challenges for other children.   I feel badly for these kids who struggle that much.   I am sure their parents are tired too.   But I am not their parent....I am Cam's parent.   I am Cam's advocate.   It is time for Brad and I to make some big decisions about our child's education, mental well being and make a plan.    I don't know if this will mean having a big meeting at school, or looking at other schools as an option or maybe even homeschooling.   Thankfully there are many resources.    I just know I am done hearing stories about my child hiding  in the coat room all recess because in his words "It is dangerous out there!"

I was told yesterday by Cam's teacher that "No.   Medication is not making a difference. He is still easily distracted."   Good feedback but I felt deflated.   I could see some difference at home...but she saw none.   The words felt cold.  

I am ready for school to be out for the summer.  I am ready to gather my little chicks and nurse their wounds from the year and feed them love and fun and carefree days.   It will be healing for me as well as for them.