Friday, November 13, 2009

One year ago today....

I did one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.
I kissed Ashanti goodbye.
I honestly can't believe it has been a year.
We all still miss her.

We still talk about her and we remember all of the fun moments.
Camden, who didn't get a chance to say goodbye, asks about her often. We were driving around this week running errands and while stopped at an intersection Camden asked if the buildings off to the left of us was Ashanti's house. To him those buildings looked like the hotel she stayed in with her Dad. Camden misses her.

I remember wondering if I could really say goodbye to a was our big worry going into foster care. We have said goodbye to two special babies...both now live in Florida. Chevey (aka "little edward) moved with his parents to Florida a few weeks ago. I got a call after they left so I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to him. That has made me sad. But I did get time with him after he went back to his parents for which I am very grateful.

I had no idea how much it would hurt to say goodbye.....just like I had no idea how having them part of our lives for those months would touch our lives so much. Ashanti and Chevey changed our lives...changed our hearts and we will never be the same.

Nine months after saying goodbye to Ashanti a brave and courageous young woman sat before a judge and had to listen to relinquishment information over and over again (have you ever read the papers....the wording feels so brutal) and the judge went over the concept of relinquishment over and over again in many different forms and yet this brave girl sat and endured. She proclaimed that she wanted her baby to have the life she didn't get...she wanted him to have a happy life.

What a difference a year makes. Within 9 months we said goodbye to 2 babies and hello to our baby. My friend always tells me "your life can change in a day"....she is so right! Life can change quickly. While we are still sad about not having Ashanti here.....we know she is ok. We can look back with happy hearts and remember her. Today we celebrate the opportunity to have Spencer in our life and we can see we have learned so much over the past couple of years.

If you are waiting, hoping, praying and trying to find the child that is meant for your family....just remember your life can change in one day!!!
I hope today is your day!

1 comment:

JaeJay said...

My heart goes out to you. My sister in law is a foster parent, and on Wednesday she had to say good bye to "her" baby. It is a hard thing to feel such loss because you love them so much, but feel so much joy at seeing a family reunited.