Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Normal?

I went to my regular doctor ( well at least her associate) this past Monday.  Was put on huge doses of Augmentin and they ran 4 new blood tests.   While there is no blood test for cancer there are tests they do to see if they need to investigate further.  So my blood was drawn and then I waited.  I started the large doses of antibiotics to get rid of sinus and throat infection....and I end up pratically kissing the porcelin bowl by 1am that morning.  I am now taking half that dose and hopfully I won't add to my already sore throat.  

Today I recieved my results...everything came back normal.   The doctor once again told me he feels I have fibromyalgia.  I know he could be right...I am feeling like maybe this is the answer.   I do feel peaceful for the most part.  I think I have to come the the understanding that this is the new me...the new normal.   It takes some getting use to.  For example I went Christmas shopping today....I had 3 places to go..right when I was getting ready to leave I get a phone call from the school letting me know my 7 year old is sick and needs to come home.   I think "Ok, I can still do this."   So I pick her up and realize yes she is ok enough to run those 3 errands.   I wouldn't normally drag her out with a tummy ache but there was 1 thing I had to do today or I wouldn't be able to (it was a visit to the Christmas Box Room at DCFS).   The other 2 errands were right there by or on the way soooo I decided to go for it.   All went well...I was in and out of the first two places rather quickly but by the time we got to errand #3 Haley puked a bit and I was feeling shaky and weak in my arm muscles.   I had been carrying the carseat around instead of using the stroller.   Big mistake for the "new me".   Carseat carrying is hard anyway but with my new normal it was worse.   Then the stress of Haley suddenly acting truly ill...it started to send me over the edge.   I go into Deseret Book and find what I was looking for...only I realize it costs 3 times more than I thought.   YIKES!  So I call hubby and he says "it is ok...just get it".   The old me would be like "ok, thanks" and hang up and go get in line.   The new me starts to get emotional about it.  All in one moment I have feelings of huge gratitude for a great hubby who says the right words at the right time that help me stop stressing over a gift.   You see what I mean.....the new me is not so normal.

My second example....I come home from the last errand and I pick up the phone to call my RE's office to make an appointment (my final doctor to see to rule out hormones as the reason the the weird sensations).  I have been going to see my wonderful RE for about 13 years.   I trust him!!!  He has been with us through fertility treatments and through the big complications from those treatments.  He is the one who did my ovary surgery a few years ago.   He was more than my doctor...he became a trusted friend sorta speak.   So it threw me for a huge loop when and find out he had resigned in September.   This "new me" cried and sobbed for over an hour about it.   I felt many feelings...none of them were probably "normal".  

So I am getting use to the new me.    I think the new me will get a little less emotional with a little more sleep and maybe the other things will get better with more sleep too.   :)   I am calmer this evening and thankful for "normal" test results.   I am also thankful for modern medicine and for prayers and for more RE's to choose from at my clinic.   I am also thankful for Dr. Hatasaka...for those 13 years of caring about and for me!   I am going to miss him!

If you think this is a rambling, jumbled up post...you are soooo right on!   Just another reflection of the new me.  lol   I will try to stop posting such things from this moment on.   :) 
Aren't you so relieved!

4 comments:

Christine said...

I like these kinds of posts... it's like we're sitting and having a conversation!! Keep it up. And hopefully things will get easier for you... can't wait to see pics of your little guy! :)

Hanna said...

Hi Brenda. I have fibromyalgia too. I was diagnosed at a VERY young age (preteen) and I have to remind myself on bad days when all I want to do is go back to bed that it's the normal for me and that's okay. Email me if you ever want to talk!

Hanna
banana_durangoATyahoo.com

Mary (MEM) said...

I have fibromyalgia, too. I'll have to e-mail you with some helpful online resources. Take it easy (when you can, that is!)

Deseret and Jeremy Fuls said...

I have a really good book about fibromyalgia if you want to borrow it. Jennifer Harvey has it right now but I could get it back for you. Just let me know.